Let the surgeon see the Papaya

The week before the operation I got told about the potential papaya hysterectomy at my pre op appointment. Before this I didn't actually realise you could do that op through 'that' entrance. But to be fair, I didn't really know that much about hysterectomies at all, apart from the experience of a good friend of mine who had been through it.

I talked the pros and cons through with my husband and he rightly said, 'Kirsty, nobody but you can make this decision.' He also said, 'you need to think about the fact that this operation takes your option away to have children again and even though we had made the decision that we weren't having any more (snip snip), he said I need to think about if something ever happened to him, or if we split up, would I want children then?

Now that is depressing as hell, but he was right, and in true Kirsty style, this is how I worked it out...

Are we going to split up in the next 12 months? - No, we are very happy right now and I can't see that happening.

So then the thought process went - if we split up in say 12 months, I'd then be 36 years old. I'd then need to meet someone new to have said baby with, that could take a year or more, so I'd be 37/38. I then wouldn't have a baby with someone straight away, so now I'm 39.... Then, wait a minute *thinks back to being pregnant*. Sack this off, NO MATTER WHAT, I WILL NOT BE HAVING ANY MORE CHILDREN. Decision made.

 Of course this wasn't the only thing I needed to think about. There was also the risks of the operation, things that could potentially go wrong and also the menopause.  I did a lot of research and made sure I had all the questions in my head answered. I found a great website/forum called The Hysterectomy Association which was amazing. It provided answers to all my questions and had a forum where ladies shared their experiences. I was armed with info and ready for surgery.... 

The morning of the operation came and surprisingly, I was really calm about it. Matt and the kids got up early and took me to Spire Cheshire Hospital in Warrington and dropped me off. I said a cheery goodbye to them but as I walked away a couple of tears fell from my eyes. 

I wasn't going to see the children for four days and even worse than that the recovery meant that I couldn't give them massive big hugs for a while. My mum used to call me her hugabug because of my love for hugs... I was really going to miss them. 

Bim Williams, my awesome consultant, came to see me and we discussed what was going to happen in surgery. I asked her about the hysterectomy that the nurse had mentioned at the pre op appointment, but she said that wasn't necessarily what was going to happen.

It's important to note that the last time I had seen Bim was well over a year ago when I had my pre op for the op that didn't happen in the previous October. So things may have changed with me, like for example my heavy periods, or the prolapse could have got worse.  I explained the period/anaemia problem to her and we came up with a plan.

My consent form went something like this....

Prolapse fix (front wall)

Plus

Hysteroscopy

and/or

Hysterectomy

Or

Endometrial ablation 

So basically, I was having a prolapse fix for definite and she was having a toot and taking a sample from my uterus then from that would make the decision which action would be best. So basically, I had no idea what would happen and would only find out post-surgery. Yikes!

I was really glad this happened though because it made me realise my true feelings about the hysterectomy. I was a little bit gutted that it might not happen. After everything that had happened this year, I was tired of trying to find something that might work, and the ablation option had the whole 'percentage of success' attached to it. Pah! I just wanted it to be over now and the heavy periods and the anaemia to be gone and wanted to feel like me again.

So off I went down to surgery...... 'Kirsty you are going to feel a little light headed.......5, 4, 3............'

#papaya

#sharingiscaring

xxx

The poorly papaya

I've been pondering all day how to write the papaya story as there is quite a big back story to it all and I don't want to bore the pants off you, I mean how much can one person write about a papaya...

I guess we are about to find out....

So on a cold dark evening in November (the 22nd to be exact) in 2010, I went into labour for the first time ever with my cheeky little monkey, Isabelle. I rolled (literally) into that labour ward armed with my birth plan (what a waste of paper, time and effort that was).

Anyway, no epidural and no forceps featured in said birth plan... funny that.... Isabelle was born under stressful circumstances having had an epidural and Isabelle being dragged by forceps (sorry, 'dragged' is the only word that can be used to describe what happened (see pic below for Isabelle's war wounds)) out of my papaya.. which subsequently had to be 'patched up', shall we say...

Shortly after Isabelle was delivered, the patching hadn't worked, so I had to go back to the delivery suite for more patching.... repeat that again a couple of hours later... (are you keeping up with the patching so far?). Fast forward to 5 days later and severe papaya pain, I got taken back into hospital for one final papaya patching up (or, as I liked to call it, designer vajuju #1).

The months following her birth I had lots of papaya physio (that in itself is an experience) but it became clear that I had a prolapsed bladder. Not surprising really, but because I hadn't finished having a family, the only option was to keep up with the pelvic floor exercises and manage it because they won't repair something for you to have another baby later down the line and undo the work.

Friends knew I had this problem (mainly because as previously said, I'm an open book..).
I get asked things like 'how do you know you have a prolapse? what does it feel like?' and comments like, 'I think something isn't right down there but I'm not sure'.

For me, the way I saw it in my head, was that there was a rock (but a soft rock) blocking the papaya cave, a bit like Ali Baba's cave... you know, where Ali said 'OPEN SESAME' and the rock moves away.... no?  Just me then?

It is different for a lot of women though and it doesn't just affect women that have babies and is actually quite common.... I know, as if we didn't have enough stuff to deal with being a woman already, then they throw this into the mix too.

I can try and explain in more details but I will add this link here with NHS blurb. Not as funny as the way I'd describe it but if you want to ask me about it away from this blog feel free. Happy to describe Ali Baba's papaya cave in more detail.

Phew - so moving on. 2012, I fall pregnant with the little monkey that is Adam. When I find out I'm pregnant the fear of wrecking my designer vajuju fill me with dread and I was advised by the professionals to opt for a C-section because of the previous issues. I mulled this over and after a lot of thought, I decided to go against the C-section option.

Why? Well, for me, I didn't fancy major surgery (which people often forget that it is), and the thought of being restricted (can't drive, lift etc) when I had a two year old at home already didn't really appeal. The way I saw it was that I can try and go natural and if it ends up being a c-section then so be it.

I also thought in my head, surely,  nothing can be as bad as the first birth....

My gamble paid off and in half the time, leaving half, well, actually, probably three quarters less damage, Adam came into the world. Minor papaya fixing this time, but obviously, it didn't help the prolapse.

For me, living with a prolapse wasn't great. It didn't hurt, but it affected different aspects of my life in ways that I didn't want to live with. A couple of examples are stress incontinence, which I have to say, does improve as you become more active and your muscles get stronger. Also, when the bitch that is mother nature appeared, I couldn't wear tampax which being as active as I am, wasn't great.

So in 2014 I decided to have the prolapse surgery. I was booked in to have it in October 2014. As the operation date neared, I changed my mind and moved it to October 2015. The reason for this change was because of the recovery, which (very similar to a c-section) includes enforced rest and not lifting anything heavier than 6lb for six weeks minimum. Adam at that time was one and a half years old and I didn't think it was a) possible or b) fair on him that mummy wouldn't be able to pick him up when he was so young, so I cancelled.

2015.... *groan*...that's another story in itself... which I'll fill you in on tomorrow...

Hugs x

#papaya
#sharingiscaring

A knee operation with a twist....

I love a good blog and I love writing them, some people will remember my transformation blog that I did when a good friend of mine had a career change to a personal trainer and wanted a 'subject' to transform.... that subject being me, not long after giving birth to Adam. 

It was an amazing journey and I know the blog had a massive impact on people (which makes me so happy). Esther's business is thriving, my friend Vicki quit her teaching job and started work in fitness too and there are a lot of mummy's out there who are fit and healthy as a result.   

Since that blog I returned to work and never had time to write. I wanted to but there is no way I could fit it in..... but now... now I am being forced to lay up to recover from an operation (more on that in a min) so I thought, what better way to fill the boredom than get writing again... so here we are... 

Most people who know me, know that I am very much open book. I don't hide much (sometimes much to my husbands dismay). What!? Sharing's caring isn't it.... I love social media, mainly Facebook and Instagram ( I imagine my children looking back over Instagram when I'm no longer here and seeing how much I love them (and clouds) and how slightly crazy their mother was). 

However, on this one occasion I didn't share (at first) and I started to think about the reasons why and again this was a reason I wanted to write again...

So here is what has happened this week and the 'operation' that I've had.. (no it wasn't my knee contrary to popular belief).

I've had (and I am copying this from my discharge notes).. 

Hysteroscopy & endometrial biopsy, vaginal (*shudder*, hate that word) hysterectomy & pelvic floor repair.... quite a list.. 

I will go into more details in another post about how this came about as that is another story in itself, but the reason people didn't know (including some close friends) is because I was embarrassed and actually felt like this was something people would judge me about... I know, crazy right. And that's why I want to write about my experience and tell you (if you want to know) about what happened and what led to this massive op. 

Like cancer (and I am no way comparing my experience to that horrid disease) and other scary/embarrassing/personal problems, we need to start speaking up about things and not hiding from them. Well, we don't need to, but I think it helps. Sharing is caring, honest...

I'm a women, I have lady bits (don't want to keep using the 'v' word, just because its a rubbish word for such an amazing piece of kit, why wasn't it called a papaya or another word that was nice to say) and things happen (in my case as a result of producing two beautiful children) and we shouldn't hide our experiences. I bet you, a lot of women out there are having similar problems to what I've had but just won't speak up or go to the doctors.. Well tune in to the next post and I'll share all... 

Oh and I promise this blog wont just be about papaya's.. I've got a whole load of waffle to unleash on you about lots of different things.... come on, it's me... #nevershutsup 

Big hugs

Kx

#sharingiscaring

#papaya